I wanted to buy a copy of the Winter 2013 issue of Knit Simple. The state of my finances, it's my Christmas present to myself this year. I'd like to knit the cardigan below by Nicky Ephron. I was thinking about a short-sleeved cardigan and I like leaf patterns very much.
If I can get the gauge, I want to use the sapphire Brown Sheep yarn my mother gave me.
I went to seven stores today and couldn't find it. The holiday issue is out, though. According to the Knit Simple web site, the winter edition is supposed to be released December 10th. Putting out the holiday edition before the winter edition? I guess that makes sense to give knitters time to knit gifts. My mind puts winter before the holiday, though. I hope, then, that I didn't miss the issue, but I just looked too soon.
I finished my Winter Leaves Shawl. It looks beautiful. I discovered the reason why one should measure a garment as s/he blocks it. I have one side wider than the other. I'll just have to redo it.
Today for the heck of it I picked up my MP3 player and tried turning it on for the heck of it. It came on! Not only that, it's charging! I can also view the memory. What the....? I tried to turn it on so many times. I have no idea what happened. I only hope it stays working for a while. Maybe I ought to try the digital camera that stopped working.
Molly crawled into some corners of the apartment tonight, looking for Midnight I think. She's been sleeping on the ottoman tonight. When I looked at her earlier, she had a very woebegone look on her face. I think she realizes her sister's not coming back.
I brought home Midnight's ashes tonight and I feel very bad. It still doesn't seem right here without her and it really hurts. I have to knit to make myself feel better, but it can't be too difficult. I dug out some yarn I bought a long time ago, Skye by Wisdom Yarns in shades of turquoise. The color is 111 on this chart from Yarndex.
Because there were only 4 balls of yarn left to buy, my choice of vests was limited. I decided to knit the Versatility Vest. I've already knitted a vest following the pattern and I liked it very much.
As I started to knit the pattern, Molly hopped up into the chair next to me and started a kneading session on the blanket, much like the way Midnight used to do. She would sometimes knead for ten or fifteen minutes. Usually Molly leaves after a snuggle session, but she's staying, for now. I'm glad.
Every evening Emily spends some time lying on the chest of drawers in the corner of the living room, waiting for her sister Midnight to appear again. It's easy to see the pain and sadness in her eyes. Her heart is broken as well as mine. I wish I could change it for us. Instead of going off to sleep by herself, most of the time now Emily sleeps at or on my feet. Is she afraid that I'll disappear too? I'm glad she has another sister cat here, but it's clear she doesn't take Midnight's place.
If you want to make your life better, get off Facebook. It makes people lazy in their relationships. At least 3 times I wrote that I needed money to take my cat to the vet. I know I did last year. Today I had someone tell me she thought there were some vets that help poor people take care of their pets. Another said you should have told me, I would have helped. I TOLD EVERYONE AND THEY IGNORED ME!! They did not pay attention UNTIL MY CAT DIED!!!!!!!! NOW THEY OFFER TO HELP!!!!!!!! Can you imagine the guilt and the anger I feel now???? Facebook kills friendships and pets. Leave it, today.
Update
I remembered some of the same people who claimed they didn't know I needed money to take my cats to the vet, I told in person after a mutual friend's funeral. I don't remember anyone asking why. If they did, I would've said I was worried about Midnight.
So what do you do with yourself at night when you're so sick with grief and anger that you can't sleep? I'd like to know. I can't lash out and hurt the ones responsible, so of course I'm hurting myself by not wanting to eat, etc. The noise the fridge is making is driving me nuts!
Emily and Molly seem to think if they look hard enough they'll find their sister Midnight. I wish it would work.
When I was a teenager, the stray cat we took in died several months later. He and my cat Tattoo were best buddies. Tattoo had a difficult time understanding that Charlie was gone and not coming back. He went from closet to closet and we had to open them so he could look inside and make sure he wasn't there. For some reason the other cat Siubhan knew when it meant a cat didn't come back.
As for myself, I am suffering from crushing guilt. I wish I could go back to last year and change things so that maybe I'd have had the money to take care of Midnight properly. The only thing that will enable me to function again is having to take care of Emily and Molly. At this point I don't think I deserve them.
I wonder just how many people are suffering in similar circumstances because of this lousy economy. Are the fat cats in big business and politics even aware that people's pets are suffering life-or-death issues and their owners are suffering crippling grief and guilt because of the fat cats' cupidity? The phase "fat cat" is an insult to cats, too. My cats could never approach the arrogance and greed of big business and crooked politicians.
If you agree with the photo below, please save it and share it. I want it to go viral so my sweet, lovely cat's death wasn't in vain. Maybe it'll do some good.
I just discovered that the Mohawk Hudson Humane Society distributes pet food to several food pantries in the Capital District of New York State where I live. Click here for the list of food pantries. If you're anything like me, the one thing you don't want to do is to give up your cats. This will help.
Emily and Molly are currently sitting on the cat tree in the corner of the living room. It looks like they're watching to see if their sister Midnight is just hiding and is going to come out again. I can see that Emily is confused and hurt and misses her big sister.
I am very grieved to say that I lost Midnight to kidney failure and an unknown infection today. I can't begin to describe how badly I feel. She was a gentle, laid back, affectionate, intelligent cat who was very playful and a bit of a tease. Even though logically I've come to the conclusion that cats don't live long enough for you to spend as much time as you feel you should with, I still feel horribly guilty. I hate kidney disease! I've had three cats die from it now..
Here are photos of Midnight, who was a source of constant, indisputable, unconditional love. She loved Christmas trees and their decorations.
